Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Teens: Information for Parents

"I feel different from other kids..."

Feelings of being "different" emerge throughout childhood, although it may not be clear to the child what the feelings mean. Children may begin exploring gender before kindergarten, so coming out and sharing these feelings of being different with others may happen at any time. For many kids, gender identity becomes clearer around puberty as their bodies change. Romantic attractions during the teen years may also be experiences that highlight same-sex attractions for lesbian and gay youth. However, many LGBT teens have said, in retrospect, that they began to sense something different about themselves early in life, and for gender diverse youth, this feeling sometimes begins as far back as preschool.

It is common for LGBT teens to feel scared or nervous during this stage. Some can start to feel isolated from their peers, especially if they feel that they don't fit in or are given a hard time for being different. Just remember, research shows that children who feel loved and accepted for who they are have a much easier time.

"I think I might be gay (or lesbian, bi, or trans), but I'm not sure, and I don't know how I feel about that..."

Beyond just feeling different, youth begin to wonder if they might be gay, lesbian, bi, trans, or another term that describes their identity or sexuality. Many teens have mixed feelings when they first try on a new way of identifying. These can be a mix of excitement, relief, and worry.

Many children may try to suppress these feelings to meet societal expectations, to fit in, or even to avoid upsetting their parents or families. In some cases, teens might be overwhelmed by all these feelings, which increases the risk for depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. For example, they may isolate themselves from others for fear of being exposed, or "outed." Some teens may feel very alone, especially if they live in a community that doesn't have an active LGBT-youth support system. Having a supportive and helpful environment at home and good relationships with friends will help teens manage their feelings and deal with any discrimination they may face.

"I accept that I'm gay, but what will my family and friends say?"

Teens may accept that they are LGBT but not yet ready to start sharing this information with anyone. Some teens will feel comfortable with being open about their identity or sexuality, while other teens may not tell anyone for a long time. Teens may look for clues on how you feel about their gender identity and sexual orientation. By speaking positively about LGBT celebrities or current events, you will let them know you are supportive of their identity.

Society has become more open and accepting of LGBT individuals, and youth are beginning to come out at earlier ages than they did a generation ago. Children may first come out to online communities or peers they perceive to be safe and accepting before telling their family.

​It is important for parents and children to realize that acceptance is a process that involves the entire family. Just as it takes time and support for LGBT children to understand and accept their identity, the same is true for parents.

"I've told most of my family and friends that I'm gay (or lesbian, bi, or trans)"

Hopefully, teens will feel secure enough in who they are and share that information with loved ones. It takes courage and strength for a youth to share who they are inside, especially for teens who are unsure of how their families will respond. They may be afraid of disappointing or angering their families or, in some instances, may fear being physically harmed or thrown out of their homes. Again, parents usually need time to deal with the news. While it may take them days, weeks, or many months to come to terms with their child's sexuality or gender identity, it is important for parents to show love and support for their child, even if they don't fully understand everything.

Coming out to others can be a liberating experience, especially for teens who are embraced by their communities and families. Coming out allows LGBT teens to feel free to speak openly about their feelings and possibly romantic relationships for the first time. For transgender and gender diverse teens, they may finally feel free to begin expressing themselves genuinely as the gender they feel inside.